just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
