i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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