I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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