i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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