She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
