This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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