i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
4 words: hood of his car
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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