remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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