i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
