I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
