I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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