Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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