It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
