no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
