she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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