he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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