a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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