theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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