I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
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