kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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