Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
