about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Enjoy the penises
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
