Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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