Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
