Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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