I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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