Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
