I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Life is so much better after having sex.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
