I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
