remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
