I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
