why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
