he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Randomize
