Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
