I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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