Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
