So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
