Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
