i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
