I love black thongs
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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