Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
