Can i not drive my cunt home
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
