im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
