u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Ketchup is God's man juice
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
