I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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