Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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