Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
