Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
