You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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