Are we in a gay sports bar?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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