Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
