if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
