Barsexuality is the new black.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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