the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
