Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
