I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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