Screwed.edu
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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